Want the secret to developing poor friendships?

by Paul Goodchild on February 12, 2012

Shhhh Secret

Developing poor friendships is easy, but don't tell

There isn’t just one secret to developing poor friendships – there’s lots! (See the handy tips section at the end)

Isn’t this a little negative Paulie?

Discussing the way to achieve poor quality friendships?

Sure, but I think it’s as important to know how we can all screw up a friendship, as easily as nurture a healthy one.

Perceptions of irony or sarcasm in this article are made at the sole risk of the reader and Plog does not accept any responsibility for healthy friendships that form as a result of this article.

Healthy Friendships are all about Priorities, Options, and Balance

You’ve probably heard the saying:

Don’t make someone a priority in your life when you’re only a option in theirs.

Put another way, if you’re knocking on a friend’s door the whole time, demanding time of him/her, you’re not nurturing a friendship, you’re trying to get a fix for a need you have.

We all have needs. Needs are perfectly natural. Don’t sweat it.

The problem comes when we spot someone who has the potential to fulfil some needs in our lives and we forget that they have their own needs, which are in all likelihood not the same as our own.

Remember, a friend is a companion, not a fix.

A friend is someone with whom you can confide, share, listen, trust, be-trusted and fall softly.

Take a hard look at your relationships… have you done everything you could to make them feel welcome in your life? (again, see the handy tips section below on how not to do it)

Top Tips: How to screw up a new friendship

Note: these tips come from a friendly, sarcastic place.

To avoid the problems associated with making great, long-lasting friendships, just follow the tips below 😉

So here goes my top friendship screwing tips:

  1. Attack your friend. There are many ways to do this – passive aggressive is always a winner but your imagination is your only limit here. You could start by making him/her feel guilty for not showing you enough attention. Attacking your friends sets up an association in their brain so that when they see you, talk to you, or even just think about you, they’ll feel terrible. Easy huh?
  2. Don’t get a hobby… or put more directly, don’t get a life! People want to be your friend if you have something to offer – that is, if you fulfil a need in their life. So if you’re a boring git, and have nothing to offer apart from “attacks” and life-sucking-numbing-boringness, your friendship is limited from the outset. Alternatively, you could get a hobby, explore some interests, and share them with your friend – (N.B. This is not recommended). (N.B.2: Watching T.V. does not count as a hobby)
  3. Don’t get more friends. Focus all your attention on one person… try to suffocate them as much as you can. Let them know that you don’t have any other healthy, balanced relationships in your life. Then watch them run for the nearest exit.
  4. Don’t empathise. This is a winner right from the start. Remember when you meet with your friend to think only about yourself. Try not to imagine that he or she has problems too – they probably do, but likely they’re boring. If you really want to alienate them, be sure to complain about your life and your problems, ignoring any feeble attempts by your friend to share something with you.
  5. There are so many more ways to develop poor friendships and social lives. If you have any specific suggestions, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below! 😀

I hope this has helped you recognise if you’re successfully pushing friends in the opposite direction of where you want them.

Care to share this wonderful insight? Just click one of the yummy buttons below 🙂

[photo credit]

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

catherine February 13, 2012 at 16:26

Thank you for leading us through such a clarifying path to be enlightened and become then ” even better” friends. 🙂


Paul Goodchild February 14, 2012 at 18:08

Glad I could be of assistance 🙂


Noch Noch February 20, 2012 at 13:58

knock knock knock knock knock!!!!!
miss u paulie
i agree with all of the above. think i’m guilty of some at different times to different people. esp timmie


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