The relationship game between men and women, Part 1

It’s been a while since my last post, but I’m back!

I’m currently in Koh Samui, Thailand, undertaking another 7 day detox-fasting program. I left Japan just under a week ago and was passing through and figured I’d may as well.  I’m not sure of the scale of the benefit I’ll receive this time around compared to last time, but I figure it can only be good for me.

Part of the setup here in this particular “spa” is that there is a small community of practitioners and mentors/consultants who are on-hand to discuss aspect of the fasting course and many other things aside.  It really is a great system and one I highly recommend… granted I haven’t tried other spas, so I have nothing to compare to, but when it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

The reason for posting this entry is because a visiting consultant hosted a seminar a few nights ago on the topic male-female relationships and how to “find” that wonderful partner and get the best out of your current relationship.  Naturally it was the busiest seminar I’ve ever seen there since this is a real challenge for everyone.

Some of what he said I have learned just either myself through discussing topics such as this with friends and partners… it was great to hear it reflected back, but there was a lot of material there for me to digest and apply to my own life.  So, I’m hoping to put into this post some of the content of the seminar and my musings/findings as I see it today.

Energy: Light and Dark, Male and Female

John-Pierre LeBlanc began the session by taking various human characteristics and categorising them as “male energy”, or “female energy”, drawing on those present to decide which.  In general it was usually self-evident.  He also then further labeled them as “light” and “dark” (positive and negative, respectively).

Take for example, the characteristic ‘strong, protective‘.  This is a positive male energy, while it’s female complement could be termed ‘soft, gentle, nurturing‘.  The dark side of this energy for male and female is represented by the characteristics ‘violent, angry‘ and ‘weak, whining, nagging‘, respectively.

To make this a little clearer, another example is:

LIGHT:

Male – Empowering

Femle – Inspiring

DARK:

Male – Coercive, Dominating

Female – Manipulative

Have a go yourself, what is the light/dark, female/male equivalent of the light female characteristic of ‘wisdom, intuition‘…?  Or, how about the light male characteristic of ‘providing‘…?

Some other positive male energies are: humour, trustworthiness, loyalty.

Some other positive female energies are: loving, trusting, considerate, sensitive

After several examples and discussion, the question was posed: which value/characteristic is most important and fundamental to males, and which is most important for females?  The answer he posed for males was that freedom is most significant, and for females safety was top priority.  No-one really seemed to dispute this on either side, but everybody understanding this clearly from both the male and female perspectives is important, and this point was emphasized and formed the basis for the rest of the discussion.

The 3 levels of relationships

The discussion that followed put the light and dark characteristic into further context.  He outlined 3 different types of relationship, the first 2 representing the most common types that exist today, and illustrated quite plainly why so many people have so many problems with their partners.

Level 1: Dependence

In this relationship the man will be the “bread winner” and hold most of the strength in the relationship.  He works a lot and earns the money, but doesn’t show the love needed to his partner.  She on the other hand resents the fact that he is out working most of the time and doesn’t show her the attention she feels she deserves.  She demands of him tasks and chores to be done and nags at him when he doesn’t either do them properly or not within the time frames that she has demanded.  He defends himself that he’s busy, he’s working, or otherwise.  They dig themselves deeper into this pattern of demanding, nagging, lack of cooperation, until resentment runs quite deep. She has no way to control his behaviour and turn him around to what she wants so she typically stops “putting out”.  This may in turn lead him to look outside the relationship for sexual fulfillment and ultimately, hearts are broken.

Level 2: Independence

Desiring not to repeat the sins of their parents, the next generation responds by going the other way.  The woman will try to prove that she doesn’t need a man to provide for her and can look after herself, indefinitely.  She can work just as hard as any man can and may power through the business world earning her keep and supporting herself and her man.  She is running on negative male energy and is likely to be aggressive and domineering.  The complementary man in this case is seeking to chill-out, relax, and not stress, but basically will not provide for her or the family.  He will be running a lot of negative female energy and will rely on her for sustenance and financial support and generally be quite dull and unintelligent, with little or no motivation other than to enjoy himself.  He’s weak, boring, selfish and likely a little chaotic.  While they are both “together”, they are living quite independently with little or no cooperation.

Level 3: “Gender Synergy”

This is the place to be.  Both male and female are running predominantly their respective positive energies that complement one another.  The man is providing for her and the family with the help of inspiration and support from his partner.  She is supportive, nurturing and loving, while he is strong, focus and empowered.  Everything they do is with the intention for the betterment of themselves and each other.  She trusts him 100%, and he naturally raises himself to meet this expectation.  His desire is to be free, and she allows him that.  Her desire is to be safe and secure, and he strives to provide that with everything that he does.

Naturally, everyone makes mistakes and doesn’t always perform at peak or correctly, but intentions are pure. She is connecting with her inner-Goddess, while he is honouring it, looking only to serve, since doing so, in his own way and his own time is what empowers him most.

With an hour and a half discussion of this, there was a lot of material covered, with examples and illustrations that can’t quite make it onto a blog post.  I hope the salient points of what was posed and relayed are clear enough.

My thoughts on all this…

I haven’t given my interpretations (except of the seminar details itself) of all of this yet, and I also want to relay that, but this post is already long enough.  Believe it or not, finding time on a tropical island to sit down and write a post this long is a challenge… I’d rather be talking with people and chilling out than stuck in front of the PC.  That said though, this has given me an incredible amount of food for thought.  Not all of it is new to be honest, but it’s certainly made me think.

I’m going to post some my musings that came from this to both explain the principles better and also just to journal it.  If you’re interested in more about the speaker, or the topics, you can follow the link and perhaps even buy his book (I haven’t read it, so I can’t vouch for it one way or the other).

I’ll post a follow up in a day or so…

Links:

• Speaker: Jean-Pierre LeBlanc, homepage
• His book, ‘The one minute Goddess‘

A follow-up post, Part 2, is now available.

Please feel free to share this page using the links immediately below…

Related posts:

1. The relationship game between men and women, Part 2
2. The ‘need’ for friendship
3. Be yourself, more
4. Finding the One
5. When is ‘less’ really ‘more’?

Tags: balance, female energy, freedom, goddess, male energy, Personal Development, Personal Growth, relationship games, relationships, synergy