Introverts are not shy

I had a discussion with a friend yesterday evening and while bucket loads of things came up, one thing said that stuck in my thoughts was the statement that “Introverts are not shy”.  I was relaying briefly about the Life Coaching sessions I’ve been doing, and temperament sorters like Myers-Briggs.  As I explained earlier, I am ISTJ, the ‘I’ being “introverted”.  I hadn’t thought of it before, but there is the general idea that if you’re introverted, you don’t like people in general and you would rather sit closeted up in your room reading self-help books, playing Starcraft, and blogging, but really there’s more to us than that.

What is an introvert

I can really only speak authoritatively for myself, but I understand from the MBTI definitions that I can perhaps speak in general terms for many.  Introverts draw their main energy from their inner world.  They like to take time to think things over, to reflect, to study the various angles on a subject before doing anything with it – such as, especially so for me, commenting on it.  If you put me on the spot and I must answer immediately, it’s not going to happen easily.  I need time to process and order my thoughts.

In a room of strangers and activity, introverts will generally be the first to feel uncomfortable and thereby leave earlier on average.  Or, we’ll find other introverts with whom to ride out the storm.  Since we find our energy internally, we tire quickly with repeated and sustained interaction with other people, especially extroverts.  This is a general statement since introverts are happy to spend a lot of their time with a few close friends (introverts and extroverts alike), rather than with many who are not-so-close.  We focus on depth, while extroverts are generally focused on breadth.

Introverts run the risk, and I find I suffer from this as well, of too much reflection and not enough action.  I suffer quite often from analysis paralysis without looking to outside assistance to help move me along.  There is the trap we fall into of assuming that our internal analysis and reflections are sufficient, and there’s no need to consult the world beyond ourselves.

At best, these are tendencies and there is a broad scale between the 2 extremes.  For myself, I have recently tried to overcome some of deficiencies that arise as a result of these traits, by doing things like life coaching and effectively forcing myself into action by signing up for classes and events.  Once I’ve committed, my ‘J‘-side kicks in and forces me to follow through.  It’s working, and it’s helping to teach skills that I’ve neglected because, I guess, my introverted tendency causes a certain degree of inertia.

What is shyness

Shyness is a product of the ego.  It manifests in the opposite form as those who are boisterous and apparently very confident, but ultimately it has similar roots.  From Eckhart Tolle’s book I’ll refer once again:

A shy person who is afraid of the attention of others is not free of ego, but has an ambivalent ego that both wants and fears attention from others.  The fear is that the attention may take the form of disapproval or criticism, that is to say, something that diminishes the sense of self rather than enhances it.  So the shy person’s fear of attention is greater than his or her need of attention.

It’s easy to say that people who appear to be over-confident and cocky, are carrying around a surplus ego, but even thinking that too is the work of your own ego, is it not?  It’s a bit more challenging to see the presence of the ego at work in someone who is shy, but it is there none-the-less and provides yet another example illustrating the pervasive presence of this entity in so much of what we do, and who we present to the world.

Finding a balance

Being either extrovert or introvert leads to character tendencies that stand the two types apart.  You’re not likely to find very many shy extroverts because since they are energized through action and interaction they have developed the skills necessary to see that they get what they need.

It’s an interesting thought that the different types can arrive at the same problems but from different directions.  To think of an example, as I mentioned above introverts run the risk of being over-reflective and not putting certain things into action because of indecision and excessive analyzing.  However, extroverts can reach the same point by seeking too much advice and input from many different parties.  I guess that they can be overwhelmed with external opinions and direction, that they don’t consider problems internally enough to reach their own decision.  I guess extroverts can comment on that much better than I ever could.

I think each type would do well to learn the skills that the other type has learned, to strike the right balance.  The tendency will always exist in your character, but there’s no harm in stretching yourself outside your comfort zone which should hopefully lead you to a more balanced character at the end of the day.

What type are you

If you’re interested in finding out where you stand, please feel free to take the MBTI test – you can do so here.  It’s good to know where you stand so at least you have some idea of your basic character tendancies.

Related posts:

1. Recognising what the ego is
2. Life Coaching Session One: Myers-Briggs and Temperament
3. Life Coaching: What is it?
4. Be yourself, more
5. Working to live vs. living to work

Tags: blogging, Eckhart Tolle, ego, extrovert, identity, introvert, Myers-Briggs, Personal Development, Personal Growth, shyness