Options, priorities, and the paradox of getting what you want without trying

by Paul Goodchild on May 3, 2012

Seeing clearly is all about what you focus on

Seeing clearly is about what you focus on

How do you get what you want without trying?

I’ve a tough time accepting this idea, but given recent “romantic” events it’s something I needed to understand.

The paradox of obtaining what you want by not going for it is just plain counter intuitive.

It doesn’t fit the world view that you must take action to achieve something; to make it happen.

Surely, without being (pro)active in getting what you want, you’ll never get what you want?

Pretty obvious when you say it like that.

But humans are funny creatures – we want what we can’t have, and we don’t want what’s in front of us.

Priorities and Options: Worlds Apart

In the last post I wrote about the challenges associated with starting a business if not done correctly – i.e. when you starve yourself of regular human contact.

Your basic social human needs aren’t met properly and you start to make crappy choices. Any sense of balance you might have had packed up and left with your sanity long before.

Sayings like the one below are quickly forgotten because you hardly know up from down any more.

Never make someone a priority in your life, when you’re only an option in theirs.

Fair enough. After all, the alternative is no fun for anyone.

But shit, when you’re in the thick of it, holding to that is fecking hard.

So until someone offers a bit of clarity, how would you remember some vague quote about priorities and options?

Well, prevention is far better than cure…

The key to getting what you want?

Easy. Get a life.

You can prevent all this head wrecking malarkey by just choosing to do what makes you happy. Figure out the things you want to do, and do them.

If you can follow through on this consistently, you’re not going to mentally trip over your own feet, and you may even have some good, clear perspective if someone does come along that takes your fancy.

I missed an opportunity recently because I made a couple of crucial mistakes:

  1. Availability – when you decline social offers because you have other social engagements then you’re doing something right. If you’re consistently declining for any other reason, you’re doing something wrong.
  2. Focus – that is, too much on one thing: success/failure of my business.
  3. Lesson (re)learned #1: Doing nothing can also count towards doing what it takes to get something you want.
  4. Lesson (re)learned #2: While people often don’t know what they want, they usually know what they don’t want. And what’s that?  Usually it’s whatever they believe they can already have.

One final note on the psychology of scarcity

It sucks ass. (And that’s my professional opinion)

Why do people crave what they either can’t have or seems more difficult to get? I just don’t know.

But wishing for it to be any other way wont change anything.

Better to suck it up in this case and play by the rules.

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